Something Ugly To Look At (Part 1)

One of the best things about living in Florida is the birds: there are all kinds of birds, most of them quite large compared with the pigeons, sparrows, and occasional hummingbirds one sees around L.A.--such as the flock of wild turkeys that seems to like hanging around the church. There are water birds everywhere, as well as hawks and vultures.

About a month ago I met one of the oddest, ugliest birds I've encountered yet: the wood stork.

I wish I'd had a camera with me. The pictures I've found of it online don't seem to do it justice. The effect in person is more striking--it's one of those so-ugly-it's-endearing kind of faces--almost goofy--really, just odd.

An artist named Vickie Henderson did a nice portrait in watercolor:

I've had a couple previous posts of "Something Beautiful To Look At"--lovely images to put up in my office. This is something ugly-beautiful I'm going to put up. These odd bald birds really make me smile.

Refraining From Poetic Wax ...

Sometimes as I’m preparing a sermon (or a blog post, or to teach a class) my thoughts go off in some mystical/metaphysical direction which I find deeply meaningful, but I almost never try to share it with anyone because it’s hard to put into words and I don’t expect many people to understand what I’m talking about. I’m afraid people will think I’m crazy if, for example, I talk about how our response to the shooting in Connecticut should be shaped by the doctrine of the trinity, or if I try to explain how loving the person different from us is the meaning of “organic”/ is life, possibly is existence. If I just explained it better it would make perfect sense to you, also. But you might not find it very meaningful. And I guess that’s the bigger reason I don’t share my mystical musings: they seem so impractical—kind of—I mean, they’re actually helpful to me in making everyday decisions—but I imagine other people thinking “This has no relevance to anything.” Hm.

Hokey Pokey Would Be Preferable ...

I just have to share a little more about Thursday's presbytery meeting:

We had just had small group discussions about the statistics of decline in things like membership, average congregation size, monetary gifts, and new professions of faith. Then a spokesperson from each small group reported on their table's discussion. It took a long time and was rather redundant. A person-in-charge then apologized that this had been such a time consuming process, but affirmed it was surely worth it, "because that's what it's all about: Presbyterians talking to Presbyterians."

I started to laugh out loud, but stopped myself, since no one else seemed to be in on the joke. I'm sure there must have been some rational intention behind the statement that I simply cannot imagine. But the rest of the day, every time I thought of it, I just couldn't help busting up again. Holy moly. What a telling statement. "That's what it's all about: Presbyterians talking to Presbyterians." And we wonder why there's a decline in new professions of faith ...

Worship Should Not Be So Boring

I attended two worship services today: the first was Presbyterian and served as the opening session of a business meeting (a presbytery meeting, for those who know what that means—see here for more on the subject). The sermon was fine, the liturgy was mostly okay (though I found the non-gender-inclusive language quite off-putting—I mean, what the heck—and there was also a very distracting and puzzling grammatical error in another of the prayers).

But the first thing that really struck me about this service was the hymn, “O Lord, How Shall I Meet You?” The sentiment that inspired the 17th century author (and the 19th century translator) was noble, no doubt. But I had a very hard time imagining any person in the 21st century finding the singing of this antiquated poem a stirring or meaningful experience.

Don’t get me wrong—I have always loved the great hymns of the faith, and many songs written hundreds of years ago still strike a deep chord with people today. But most of them do not.

The real problem here is that sometimes it seems people select worship songs based on their musical style and thematic content, without ever asking the questions: Will singing this song be deeply meaningful to anyone? Will it help anyone to experience God’s presence and power? Will it make any difference in any person’s life? I cannot imagine someone honestly putting these questions to themselves and concluding “Yes, it is reasonable to expect so,” in answer to a single question for the song “O Lord, How Shall I Meet You?”

This is symptomatic of a very serious problem for Presbyterian pastors in general. Our denomination’s constitution recommends a carefully thought out structure for our worship services, so all we have to do is plug in the elements for each Sunday—a call to worship, a prayer of confession and assurance of pardon, scripture text and sermon, hymn of praise, hymn of dedication, sending hymn, etc. Now, there is nothing wrong with the structure itself, but if we just assume that plugging new elements into their proper places each week will be enough to keep our worship meaningful and relevant to people’s lives, we are dead wrong. It takes real effort and a lot of work to ask the questions sincerely every week, about every aspect of the worship service, “Will this be deeply meaningful? Will it help people to experience God’s presence and power? Will it make a difference in anyone’s life?” But if we don’t ask, we’re in danger of offering nothing but empty rituals when God calls us to provide sustaining bread and intoxicating wine, the gospel of life, the truth that sets us free.

I went to another, very different worship service this evening—it was a service of Taize (and other) songs, readings, and meditation (at a Catholic church). Compared with what I’d experienced this morning, it was like traveling to another planet—like moving from a place of drab fog and empty greyness to a place of light, color, beauty, and holiness. The sense of the sacred and the emotional depth that were so frustratingly missing in the morning gently greeted me in this evening. I left the Presbyterian worship service feeling resentful of the wasted time, and even guilty, wondering if it was my own wrong attitude that kept me from experiencing God there—but I left the Catholic service thanking God from the depths of my heart for bringing me there into God’s presence.

Worship should not be boring. Meeting God in a worship service should not be a herculean feat possible only to the most advanced of spiritual disciples. It is not a goal too lofty for mortals to create an atmosphere conducive to experiencing the sacred. It was so good to be reminded of that …

But I have one more thought on my experiences today. Something important was missing for me at both worship services. Looking around among the Presbyterians, I realized probably the main reason I felt so empty there was that I hardly knew anyone. And even though the Catholic service was so wonderful, I hung around in the narthex a little while afterward (waiting for Brandon to return from the restroom), and no one said a word to me, which was both awkward and disappointing.

And that’s why I love small churches. Because in a small church, you really can worship as a community—not just as individuals who happen to be in the same room—but as friends who love each other and are growing together. And that’s one of the most beautiful, wonderful things about my darling little congregation—because it’s so tiny, and because all the people in it are so amazingly awesome, worshipping together, few as we are, is a special joy.

Definitely need to work on asking myself about the meaningfulness/relevance/power of all the things we do in worship, though. Plenty of room for improvement in our service … It’s an exciting job to start, though!

How I Became A Better Driver Without Practice

I've posted on here before about being a terrible driver. A week after getting my first car, I totaled it on the freeway. That was about seven years ago, and between then and September of this year, I think I was behind the wheel something like four times.

The first time I drove a car again after the accident was when I was working at the group home for kids with emotional and behavioral issues. It was supposed to be that if we had two or more kids, there had to be two or more staff present. But that day the other person scheduled wasn't able to make it in or something, so I had to drive three kids by myself to their summer day camp. And mind you, any person driving alone with three of those kids in the backseat was not the safest thing.

I was lucky that very little violence erupted; the kids probably realized they shouldn't distract me, since they were pretty worried themselves, having noticed I was nervous. They asked me if I knew how to drive, and I told them yes, but I hadn't driven a car in a long time. As our SUV swerved crazily out onto the street, they squealed hysterically, "We're all gonna die!" I irritably reassured them, "We're probably not going to die." They screamed again when I grazed some garbage cans beside the curb.

Anyway, I was a bit nervous about moving to an area where driving a car is an absolute necessity. But I hoped that with practice I could become a better a driver.

So imagine the pleasant surprise it was to find when I got behind the wheel that I had already become a much better driver without even practicing. How did this happen, you may ask. I think mostly it's that I became a more emotionally stable and mature person. In large part, what made me such a horrible driver earlier on is that I was so anxious and unsure of myself. But now I'm more confident and relaxed and can drive almost like a normal person!

Actually, around here, I may even be better than average(!). I regulary see people doing all kinds of crazy, illegal stuff. Like driving over the median and stopping on railroad tracks ... Oh, Florida ...

Cuban Vegetables, Puerto Rican Thanksgiving, and Our New Life in the Swamp

One year when I asked my father about coming up with a Christmas wish list, he said that as he gets older, he sees less value in things (physical objects) and more in experiences. (A worthy consideration for anyone who has “hard to buy for” friends and relatives.)

Most people are impressed when they find out Brandon and I were willing to travel all the way across the country so I could serve the church here—and it was, indeed, a major sacrifice in some respects. But there is nothing like the excitement of moving somewhere really new and different.

I think I’ve mentioned before that when I first realized this area is a swamp I was kind of terrified—especially since so much of the land around here is still completely undeveloped (the church itself is on the edge of a nature reserve). But it means seeing all kinds of wildlife. Just naming some birds, we’ve seen Muscovy ducks, marbled godwits, hawks, wild turkeys, hooded mergansers, a night heron, white ibises and snowy egrets—and we’ve seen lizards, frogs and turtles I have yet to identify—and (so far only as roadkill, but still) armadillos! Can’t wait to get out to the Manatee Viewing Station …

About a week ago we checked out a Cuban sandwich place (nothing says Tampa like an authentic Cubano) and also tried a soup made from root vegetables—there were two or three different kinds—very similar to a potato, but with distinct flavors. And a week before that we tasted a unique beverage at a Carribbean joint: Irish Moss. It was pretty bizarre, and even the Caribbean waitress had never tasted the stuff and acted as if she’d been afraid to try. We found out later you can buy a can of it at some grocery stores. I guess it’s basically a red algae (extract?) boiled with milk and cinnamon.

And we had the wonderful good fortune last week of being invited to have Thanksgiving dinner with a Puerto Rican family. We were treated to scrumptious, melt-in-your-mouth roast pork, rice cooked with some special kind of Puerto Rican bean, rich homemade flan, and a boisterous cast of characters who welcomed us like their new best friends. They even roped us into their traditional game of bingo (for nickels) and our beginners’ luck won us $1.05 USD and five cents Canadian. It was everything a couple of gringos could have hoped for!

So, anyway, we are missing loved ones back on the west coast, but having many wonderful new experiences. And now that we’re more settled in, I’m going to make an effort to get back to blogging regularly again …

Faith Is a Kind of Insanity

As I've mentioned, my new church is very tiny. Someone in an advisory capacity expressed to me she was afraid I might have a hard time building the church up because going out into the community and meeting people will not be the easiest thing for me. She was thinking I ought to be going to coffee shops and malls and local sporting events and anywhere people gather--and I can only assume she thought I should be randomly introducing myself to strangers and inviting them to the church.

Even though I knew from the beginning that that method is just not very sensible, I have been nagged by a vague feeling that she's right, I'm not cut out for this kind of work, because I am generally reserved and not really the gregarious, assertive, salesperson type.

But this is where the insanity comes in. It's a particular kind of insanity necessary to being a pastor (long term, that is)--and it's also called the gift of faith. I don't have any rational basis for thinking this, but I do believe that if an outgoing extrovert who instantly makes millions of friends was what this church needed, then that's who God would have called here. But since God called me, clearly what is needed is a sensitive poet-theologian type. 

This kind of thinking is irrational. And many would also consider it crazy to move all the way across the country to lead a community of six people--and not immediately begin preparations for selling the building and dissolving the congregation.

But that's what makes ministry--and all of life--interesting: people do not act rationally, and so there is no way of predicting how anything that involves people will turn out. And however much "science" can predict, it does not even begin to explain human experience. 

Atheists may believe "science" has emptied the world of so many figments of imagination--spirits and fairies, ghosts and psychics, saints and bodhisattvas and God--but such poverty of perception is only an intermediate stage on the way to a more enlightened awareness--there are forces at work in the world that we have not explained--perhaps someday we will, but if we do, it will probably be an explanation that goes far beyond even the current theories of quantum mechanics. Perhaps it will require a leap in conceptualization as great as that needed to leave behind a strictly Newtonian worldview. 

But for now, there is no "scientific" explanation of the spiritual--and so it is that for people like me, for whom spiritual realities are at the center of (or should be at the center of) our work, a certain kind of faith-insanity is necessary. 

I will state the obvious here (which very few people seem to want to do) and say that the situation is dire and bleak. There are many things to be discouraged or worried or even angry about. But with God, all things are possible, and all things are guided to their proper purpose. And this church, small as it is, is definitely alive with love and hope--no, not at all dead yet. So here I am, faithfully insane, doing my best to lead them, and waiting to find out just what kind of miracle will unfold this time ...