Drowsy

Jesus walked this lonesome valley
He had to walk it by himself
Oh, nobody else could walk it for him
He had to walk it by himself

Sometimes when I'm under a lot of stress, I desperately want someone to notice and rescue me. Not just anyone, though. Some person I am particularly fond of. But then when I finally do get that person's attention, and they're all concerned and kind, just like I had hoped, it turns out not to be the solution I was looking for. And then I feel very lonely, indeed.

After reaching that point of despair ("Oh God, no one can help me, after all! I'm doomed!") other defense mechanisms set in. Most notably, drowsiness. At such times, I can sleep 10, 12, even 14 hours per day.

I hate wasting so much of the day, but sleep can have such a wonderful, mysterious restorative power. I sometimes find in dreams the most intense and ineffable beauty. I have caught glimpses of heaven which leave me upon waking in a peculiarly vulnerable state. One might call them dreams from which one truly awakens--dreams that open one's eyes to the radiant glory of reality which is so often hidden.

I like to think of Abraham, sleeping as God cuts the covenant with him. And Adam, snoring away while God creates the woman from his side. And the disciples, asleep during the crucial hour in Gethsemane. Someone recently said (I forget who), in the Jewish reckoning, where the day begins at sundown, about the first thing you do each day is go to sleep. God is at work whilst we slumber and sleep.

All that being said, however, I think maybe next time I feel like sleeping 14 hrs. straight I will try to wake myself up with some sort of caffeine. You know, that never occurred to me until just now ...